Pulling Their Fat Out of the Fire
by Luba Kmetyk
Summary: An alternate version of the final battle in Excalibur #100, featuring a crossover with Hellblazer


**DISCLAIMER:**  
_This story features characters which are trademarks of Marvel Comics and DC Comics. Everybody in Excalibur belongs to Marvel. John, Ellie and Chas belong to DC. This story is an unauthorized work done purely for my personal enjoyment, and is not intended to infringe on any of their rights in or profits from these characters. But this story is copyright to me._

**BRIEF EXPLANATION:**   
I didn't like the Onslaught crossover in Excalibur (well, I thought all of Onslaught was one big fiasco), so this is an alternate ending with the crossover I would have preferred to see... 

(And if you don't know who John is, go read Hellblazer...) 

If you want to comment, send email to [LubaKmetyk@worldnet.att.net ][1]

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### Excalibur/Hellblazer: PULLING THEIR FAT OUT OF THE FIRE

#### Luba Kmetyk

Pete was limping his way across piles of rubble, trying to get to the Black Air building. Lockheed had flown ahead, wanting to get back to Kitty as soon as possible. Losing sight of the small dragon, Pete paused to catch his breath, then use it to curse Lockheed for being too fast, and himself for being too slow. He still had a lot of ground to cover when Brian swooped down and landed next to him. "What happened to you? Where are the others?" 

"They're after Black Air. I had a little personal business to take of first. We need to get over there, fast." Pete was looking at what looked like a bloodstain on Brian's side. "Did you sort out the Hellfire Club, and Mountjoy?" 

"They're mostly dead or out of it. Never mind that now, let's go." It took Brian only a moment to fly over to the Black Air headquarters. 

Going inside, they were wondering how they'd find the others when Lockheed came winging back, with Kitty following after him. She ran straight into Pete's arms, hugging him tight. "Pete, are you all right? You're bleeding, is it bad?" 

"Nah, I'm ok, what's happenin' 'ere?" Seeing that Kitty was fine took a load off his mind. 

She was leading them down into the building while explaining, "Black Air and the Hellfire Club had a demon, Amanda's mother Margali was trying to use Douglock to control it. It's the demon causing all the damage in London. We got Douglock loose but now the demon's trying to escape and Amanda's trying to stop it..." 

They had reached the chamber where Amanda was struggling to keep the demon confined, but the containment spells were breached where Rahne had cut Douglock loose, and the bonds were weakening steadily as the demon pushed against them. Its long imprisonment under London had created a rabid desire for freedom, and its recent psychic devastation of London had increased its strength enormously. 

Kurt and Rahne were standing back, watching, feeling helpless, unable to think of anything they could do to help. 

"Fuck, look at that monster, no way she can hold that thing..." Pete was awestruck at the sight. 

"I'm afraid she can't, she's too weak from fighting Margali earlier, but what other option do we have?" Kurt's voice was filled with his concern for Amanda, his frustration. "What good are the rest of us against it, if it gets loose?" 

Brian stood frozen, looking up at the demon, wondering if they had any hope to defeat or destroy it. "Of all of us, Meggan might have a small chance against it. Where is she?" 

"We left Meggan to contain some techno-organic Brood Black Air had created. Brian, do you think we can contact Roma? Would she be able to help?" Kurt was desperately running though various schemes snd scenarios in his head. 

"Kurt, I don't know how to call Roma... and I don't know if she could help, even if we did..." 

"Yeah, well, we may be useless, but I know someone who can sort this bugger out." Pete looked at Amanda and knew Kurt was right, she was losing this fight, even though she kept on gamely trying with her last ounce of strength. 

"Pete, what do you mean?" Kitty exclaimed, just as Kurt said, "Wisdom, who are you talking about?" 

"Look, there's no time to explain. Kurt, can you teleport to someone without knowing where they are? Someone you don't know?" 

"Of course not, I can only jump to a place, a place I know. Wisdom, Amanda's in trouble. We're all in trouble. If you know something..." 

"Dammit, that doesn't help then." Pete interrupted him. "Ok, just help me get out of here, I need some way to find John in the hell outside, maybe Meggan or Lockheed can scout him out..." Pete turned away and started toward the exit, and promptly stumbled into John coming in the doorway. 

Kitty and Kurt and the others were dumbstruck at the sudden appearance of a perfectly normal-looking, tall blond man in a brown trenchcoat strolling into this insane chaos. Pete just offerred silent thanks for John's uncanny ability to show up wherever he was needed, wishing he didn't usually leave it to the last possible moment. "Shit, mate, I've been trying to figure how to get you here..." 

"Pete, what the fuck is goin' on? I could feel something bloody brewing for the last few days, but I couldn't get a location until just now..." John was equally surprised to find Pete in the middle of whatever was going on, but he had the definite impression this was not a good time to catch up on news and gossip. 

"Amanda!" They turned at Kurt's shout to see Amanda fall, unconscious or dead. The demon reared up to the ceiling, roaring, free at last. 

"Oh, bloody hell..." John stepped further into the room. It took him only a moment to recognize the demon. He winced inside, knowing the measure of its power better than any of Excalibur could, but he stayed nonchalant. The first rule was, never let them know you were afraid. 

"Well, well, well... Jabulon, innit? We all wondered where you had disappeared to..." 

The demon hesitated at the sound of its name, looking around until it spotted John. "You have my name, little mortal, give me yours in return..." 

John shook his head. "Oh, no, mate, you know that's not how it works. I already have your name, Jabulon, I don't have to give you soddin' anything in return. Besides, I'm crushed, I thought all you tossers knew me..." He pulled a fresh packet of fags out of his pocket, tapping it to get one out. 

"Consstantine..." the demon hissed. It suddenly shot a jet of flame at John. The others all jumped back but John didn't even flinch, just held out his hand a little to let the flame light his cigarette. 

"Clear everybody out of the building and the area." John muttered under his breath to Pete. "Get them as far away as you can. This might get messy." 

Rahne was thrilled at the order to get away from the demon, and was the first out, helping Douglock along. Wisdom grabbed Kitty and started pulling her away, as Kurt lifted Amanda. Kitty didn't want to leave, and Brian held his ground also, muttering "Who does he think he is, giving us orders? What does he think he's going to be able to do?" Pete looked back and snarled "Trust me, he knows what he's doing, Braddock, which is more than you do, let's just get out of his way while he does it..." 

They saw John take a deep drag on his cigarette, and heard him call up to the demon, "Tell you what, Jabulon, I'll play you the riddle game, winner gets the loser." 

"Why should I play with you, Constantine? I'm free, I can have you any time, I can have all of London, all of England, any time I want..." The demon shot another few blasts of flame around the chamber. 

A part of the ceiling fell toward Kurt and Amanda, and he teleported away with her. Rahne and Douglock were gone. Pete was still trying to get Brian and Kitty moving. He finally succeeded by reminding them "Where's Meggan and Colossus? We have to warn them too, get them out..." 

As they were leaving, they heard John again. "You should play me 'cos it'll be fun... and I'm offering you a chance at my soul. Y'know, you don't get it just by killing me. But if you play me and win, I bet you could trade my soul to the First for just about anything in the nether hells you could possibly want..." 

John's voice faded as they ran out into the corridor outside. It took only a moment to find Meggan. Actually, she found them, she'd been on her way to meet them since the techno-organic monsters she'd been restraining had all crumbled when Douglock was freed. She helped Brian and Colossus herd the remaining Black Air personnel outside, where emergency service personnel were beginning damage control. 

The reunited Excalibur milled around outside for a short time, not sure exactly what to do next. They were debating whether to go back in, Wisdom being the only one willing to follow John's instructions and stay out, the others wanting to go back, sure that the mysterious stranger would need their help. 

Suddenly, they saw an enormous blast rise upward from the building, which collapsed into a pile of rubble, raising an enormous dust cloud obscuring the ruins. They braced themselves to renewed battle, expecting the demon to appear above the debris. Instead, as the dust cleared, they saw a slight brown figure emerging from the surrounding brown cloud. 

Brushing dust off his trenchcoat with one hand, not a hair out of place, John sauntered over to where they stood waiting. He was carrying the soulsword in his other hand. 

"What happened?" Kurt asked. "Did you destroy the demon?" 

"Who, me, destroy a demon? Nah, I can't do that..." John was putting on his best `I'm just an ordinary bloke' act. 

"Well, where is it, then? What happened? What did you do?" Amanda demanded, albeit in a weak voice. She was recovering, slowly. She had been asking the others what had happened after her collapse, but could make no sense of their disjointed, confused explanations. 

"We just played a little game, and it lost..." John shrugged, lighting another cigarette. "I gave it to Ellie for a present. She's been a bit peeved at me, see, I fucked her over a little while ago, I figured a little gift might help mend our fences..." 

"Ellie?" "Who's Ellie?" This time it was Meggan and Brian, like the others still trying to sort out what had happened. 

"Ellie, she's this mate o' mine, nice little succubus. She'll get a bloody big charge out of absorbin' that wanker, it'll raise her status and power, like I said, just a little gift telling her I'm sorry..." 

Pete just grinned, while the others all stared at John, speechless. He was completely unbelieveable, his story, his appearance, his attitude, yet the demon was undoubtedly gone. 

"Kitty, everybody, this is John, John Constantine. John, these are some mates o' mine, they may look a bit queer, but they're ok... This here is Kitty, and the flying rat there, that's her pet dragon Lockheed." Dragons didn't faze John, he'd helped birth one once. He did raise a sardonic eyebrow at seeing the way Pete and Kitty were entwined, earning himself a dirty look from Pete. "You be nice to her, now, or Lockheed there will eat you." John got the message and saved his jibes for later. 

Pete continued "The blue fuzzy one, that's Kurt, he's the boss, an' the witch whose fat you pulled out o' the fire is his lady friend Amanda. The upper-class flag is Braddock, Brian Braddock, and the elf-lady holding him up is Meggan. The little gold robot tryin' to pull himself together there, that's Douglock, we came to rescue him, the wolfgirl with him is Rahne, and the big steel robot over there is Comrade Colossus." 

John nodded at the introductions. "So does this 'ere magic sword belong to any of you? Not the kind o' thing one wants to leave lying around loose, somebody'll pick it up and start up some more trouble..." 

Amanda shuddered at the sight of the sword. She began to reach out a hand for it, saying "Well, I made Kitty give it to me, I guess it still belongs to me... I should have kept it, I shouldn't have given it to Mother, that's how this mess started..." 

Kitty interrupted her. "No, if it belongs to anyone, it belongs to me. It came to me after Illyana... died... and I shouldn't have let you take it, Amanda, this is all my fault... It's a part of Illyana, part of her soul and her magic, and I think I should keep it, Illyana wouldn't hurt me..." 

Before Kitty could grasp the sword, Colossus knocked her hand away, exclaiming, "No, Katya, don't... it corrupted Illyana, it turned her into a demon, I don't want it to take you also... She was my sister, I should take the sword, take the risk..." 

"And remember, Kitty, when you had the sword before, how it changed your personality, your behavior... I don't think you should risk taking it back, I'm not sure any of us should." Kurt had been possessed by Gravemoss during that incident, but Moira had been very graphic in her description of Kitty's metamorphosis. "And, Amanda, I don't want it to tempt you like it tempted Margali... If only we could send it back to Limbo, where it belongs..." 

"Well, sounds like it don't belong to anyone here, not really..." Pete butted in. "Can you just hang on to it, John?" 

"Sure, I can put it away in Chas' lockup with me other stuff." John nodded. "So, Pete, you want to see if we can find a pub open in this soddin' mess? Or mebbe go scavenging, scrounge some bottles and fags? We could pour any cheap stuff we find over those cuts on your leg, clean it out... You can tell me what you're doing runnin' around with a bunch of odd people in long underwear, and how you got mixed up with our friendly neighbourhood demon there... Your friends can come, too, if they want..." 

Kurt frowned, saying, "Wisdom, you're injured, and so is Brian. And we need to get Amanda and Douglock back to Moira for examination, as soon as possible. The emergency services seem to be handling things here in the city fine now, there isn't that much more we few can do. I think we should head back to Muir Island." 

"Go back an' let that MacTaggart witch poke and prod at me?" Pete shook his head. "I like John's plan better. Why don't you all just go on without me?" 

"You are not going out boozing in this nightmare, Pete Wisdom, not by yourself and not with your friend, you're coming back to Muir right now, so Moira can look at you..." Kitty started out hectoring, but her voice softened as she couldn't hide her concern. 

"Oh, all right..." Pete sighed, as he gave her a quick hug. "Catch you later, John?" 

John was smirking, having a high old time watching Kitty order Pete around. "Yeah, anytime, mate... an' you still owe me some explanations..." He cocked a wave at them as he turned away to disappear into the shadows. 

* * *

Well, that's the first thing I've ever posted. Comments are welcome, to LubaKmetyk@worldnet.att.net, but try to be nice, my ego is a fragile thing. 

   [1]: mailto:LubaKmetyk@worldnet.att.net



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